“My soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:21-23
It was quiet, too quiet. All the rush of people in and out of the room the days before had all come to an end. The darkness, even the newborn bed that was made specifically to be lit up and warm was completely dark and still.
My eyes went back to the unlit lamp over my son’s newborn warming bed as a new rush of pain and despair of what would be happening soon rolled through me. My beautiful newborn son, Isaac, whom I was so proud of, was delivered stillborn just hours before.
This was the day that I would have to let my son go, force myself to walk out of this room, never to be able to hold his tiny two pound body or see his beautiful face in this life again.
My husband and I were not surprised or in shock; in fact we had been planning on this day for three months. Doctors said our son had Trisomy 18, and we needed to abort and go on with life. We said no, we would let God decide the number of our son’s days and carry him safe in my womb as long as we could.
During the long months of waiting you can bet I had a lot of questions for the Lord. One of the biggest was, “Lord, this is my son, my child. You are asking me to let him go. Will you be there to give me strength to walk away? To say goodbye? To open my arms and physically let him go?” My Lord had proven Himself to be faithful in hard trials before, but what about this time? I desperately wanted to know-Would He give me the strength I needed to leave the hospital without my son?
And here I was, waking up to that dreaded, much anticipated day.
After twelve hours of labor, our family savored each minute we had holding Isaac. We were able to rock him, take wonderful pictures of him, dress him. I tried to memorize every detail about him. I remember washing his face with my tears. He was so perfect. He had lots of black hair like his big brother David, long eyelashes, fuzzy eyebrows, the cutest little lips, fisted Trisomy hands, chubby cheeks, long Thompson feet!
Then it was time. I had to leave the hospital. And yes, God was there.
God’s mercy and peace flowed through the room as a sweet nurse I had never seen before walked in. Before I handed her my precious tiny bundle, she naturally turned around and respectfully washed her hands. I handed her my son and she smiled gently down at him. She settled down in the rocking chair and rocked him slowly. She assured us she would care for him and not leave him until the funeral home came.
The love and protection that poured out of this stranger gave us the strength to walk away in peace. I will forever carry the sweet memory of my Isaac being held, respected, loved, cared for. I know this stranger was a gift to me from God, given to me at just the right time and moment. What a perfect picture of Christ’s love for each of us.
“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet God’s unfailing love for you will not be shaken or His covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10
In this life we WILL have sorrow and troubles, but His compassion for each of his children will never fail. Great is Your faithfulness!
Dear mom, “May our Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, who loved us and by His grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your heart and strengthen you ” today! 2 Thess.2:16-17
✿How has God shown up in a tangible way to meet your greatest need? Are you daily asking to be used by God in mighty ways?✿